From the time I was a child, I have been able to hear God's voice and know He was in control of my life. Frightened and alone at the age of five, the Lord appeared to me with an Angel on each side of Him, and spoke these words," I will always watch over you no matter where you go. Do not be afraid!" How awesome it is to know He is there all the time. Never has God failed me or left me alone. On September 29,2003 my life was changed forever by the sudden death of my daughter Ashley. Losing someone I loved was an experience that wounded me deeply. My emotions and my mind soared from sadness and dismay to fierce anger and doubt. The world of my heart was turned upside down and the passing of time did not seem to heal the wound left by death's visit.
Life became a struggle to get back to "normal." It has taken many months, even years, before I began to realize that normal, whatever it was, had been permanently altered. Part of what had made my life, what it was, had been torn away never to return. Only then did I realize that God, my loving Father, wanted to use this tragedy, though He hated it, to change me into the person He had designed me to be. Time doesn't heal, but God comforts and refreshes us over time when we let Him. We still live with our sense of loss that will never go away. Our wounds are permanent, and the part that was me or mine has gone never to return in our lifetime.
Now as time has passed I have learned that:
* Death is a big deal, I take it very seriously. God has my attention, I take my relationship with Him very seriously.
*Death is not a friend; it is an enemy. I hate it passionately. God has proved to be more than a friend; I love Him deeply.
*Death has taught me how to cry. My God has engulfed me with His tender arms of compassion.
*Death will come my way again. My Heavenly Father will see me through.
*Death made me want to die with my daughter. God has given me life beyond my wildest dreams.
*Death tried to change my mind about God. God has renewed my mind and changed my life forever.
I am blessed with the reality of learning to replace my hurt with Hope. It has always been the desire of my heart that this ministry would never be about me. Though the story of the tragic loss of my precious daughter Ashley is a lot of what makes up my testimony. I share with you my story only in hopes that it might help someone come to grips with all the unexplained emotions and questions to the most devastating event that will ever effect a person.
My prayer is that through God's infinite love and wisdom that you can choose life and life more abundantly in Christ Jesus. Even in the midst of pain and sorrow you can experience His fullness of joy to begin your journey of replacing hurt with Hope.
"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain..." Revelation 21:4.
